1. |
Everyone Leaves
03:14
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I'm so sick of feeling like this.
Every night I just lay awake.
I am numb and almost dead.
So hear my words, since I'm so weak.
I think, I was never good enough.
I fail to close my eyes, there's no rest for me.
Too much going on inside. My fear keeps me awake.
This weight I've carried for too long.
It keeps me holding to the floor.
I'm so sick of living like this.
I can't take this anymore.
You never planned to stay.
You make me feel like I'm not enough and I'm so close to giving up.
And I'm still so fucking weak after years of living like this.
I think, I've finally realized that this fear is stuck to me; this fear of never being enough.
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2. |
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And you used to swallow the whole pack in the hope that I would someday see. The attention you were longing for, I planted a tree for you and me. A quiet reminder of what we could have been.
I thought I needed you just as water is essential for a seed, but the trenches you dug won't let me leave. This place I fed with love and peace. Now years went by and they are covered by fallen leaves. The roots of us clasp my sleep making me feel incomplete and weak. You said it was all because of me. I know I wished for you to die unhappy. But now I don't care anymore.
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3. |
Sink
04:06
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I think, I saw you in my sleep, telling me that I am weak because i tried to flee from this house that we built in our dreams. This mess in my head is scaring me to death, because everything I had turned to ash. I lie awake and think of all those times when you tried to say goodbye, but you couldn't.
That's when you finally gained the courage to say goodbye and find love in the arms of another instead of mine. The thought of you kissing and loving someone else still sends shivers down my spine. and even though I always supported you I think my words weren't enough.
I was so dumb to believe that I was good enough and that we had hope.
But under all those false beliefs and that regret there was a note with my name written on it. I picked it up trying to figure out what to do and what could help us through those hard times like the winter when you would always feel sad and when you would always try to break my heart just to keep me away from you. And that's okay because I just wanted you be happy even if that means that our so called journey is over and that you have to keep going on your own. I'll continue with wasting sleep and missing you. And I hope that one day you'll come back.
Even though I'm on my own,
I just don't seem to find my home.
I'll continue being alone,
While you've been gone for far too long.
I still miss you and I'll try to stay alive and maybe some day I'll be lucky enough to be a part of your life.
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4. |
House
04:11
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The grief you left behind in me was caused by all the negligence that I used while trying to flee. The weight that I had carried was enough to break these brittle bones, trying to cope with all the sadness within that I was to afraid to show.
My ribcage has been your home, but since you left there's and emptiness in me and it grows.
My spine shivers at night, when I think of all those times where you said you'd stay but I know you lied.
After all my words were never enough, our bed, house, our dreams all died with our love. Self deprecation as an excuse for self flagellation, like the drugs you used for self sedation.
I was never meant to be loved.
My heart breaks every night when you're back in my dreams, when you say you're loving but I'm not enough to make you feel. I'd awake shaking from the hell in my head, just to realize that I'm fine, your dark hair and your hazel eyes brought comfort to my mind. A bouquet to the bed where we once laid, something to brighten up the room. But the only thing that every really bloomed was you. You burned me down in our only home and then you built your house from my bones.
You built your house from my bones.
I still think about you when I lie awake at night, but after all this time, it's time to let this so called love die.
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5. |
Realisation
03:18
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I know that my heart still beats too fast and my legs still shake more than they should.
The thoughts in my head are slowly killing me, they're telling me I'm weak, always trying to flee.
The weight of expectations that have been born inside my head, have been lingering ever since I was brought into this world. You saw the look inside my eyes, when i told you that I'm fine.
You never knew that I lied.
But the truth is, I'm sick of feeling this way, when I lay in bed with this hopeless feeling in my chest. I'm so afraid to fall asleep, cause my demons even haunt me in my dreams.
Realisation has got the best of me, your words killed me in my sleep. The love we had, it died in your absence. I remain as ash in the urn of your actions.
I never seemed to find the words, too afraid to let you in. Too afraid to fall asleep, our blooming love I couldn't keep.
And my frail hands tried to keep you shut. I'm sorry my love, but I will never be enough.
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Aches Mannheim, Germany
Modern Hardcore
Est. 2018
We are Aches.
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